Latest Tweets Site Statistics 6319 Members 5690 Active Members 231 Members Online 7625 Photos Uploaded. The profile text in the above example is written for a site like Match.com, where longer profiles are the norm. For online dating sites, a good rule of thumb is keep the length of your profile down to about 300 words or less. She doesn’t have time to read a novel, and you want to leave her wanting more. The perfect profile is akin to the one you just read. It uses pithy humor to showcase who the man user is. When you’re competing against literally thousands of other men, you can’t afford to write a boring dating profile. Stand apart by demonstrating who you are with wit. Best Dating Profile Examples for Guys #10: Acknowledges The Game. Second, I’ve been on dating sites for only 10 days and already want to cry and cry due to meager, pitiful profiles and some frankly scary pictures. Then, yesterday, I read this really great profile.

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If you’ve been online dating for any amount of time, you’ve seen bad profiles. They’re either sparse, copied from someone more clever, use The Office as a character trait, or are completely blank. Then, you come across the perfect profile. It might be five words, three paragraphs, or a hilarious photo, but either way you’re in stitches. We’ve scoured the internet (and the best dating apps) to pull together a list of some of the funniest dating profiles.

1. The Truth

You’re smart. This ain’t your first rodeo. And You’re not about to fall for the preposterous claims made by so many of the profiles on this site. So here’s a refreshing perspective—the truth.

I pay my mortgage. I wear socks that match. I’m an honest man, with a decent career and strong values. So While I could regale you with stories of my trips to Paris or how I resemble Ryan Gosling…I know that good communication’s a foundation for every relationship. So if we’re on the same wavelength, read on…

2. Exaggeration

I am a rocket scientist. I’ve appeared on the cover of GQ—twice. And after mastering Italian, I became an international super spy. Right now, I’m yachting my way across the Caribbean, stealing top-secret information, and sipping mai tais…shaken, not stirred.

…Okay, fine. I exaggerated *just* a smidge. But I do like a good mai tai and I got a B+ in my 5th grade science class.

3. Blurbs

“He’s a beast…in the kitchen” – Food & Wine

“Our go-to guy for fashion advice” – GQ

“I wish he was my personal trainer.” – The Hulk

“God made him so firemen would have a hero” – every fireman ever

“I’m so glad she swiped right” – your mom

What else do you need to know?

4. J/K!

Married with a baby on the way. Prefer the term “collector” to “hoarder.” Bonus points if you can look after my gerbil collection.

And: J/K! Single consultant who loves surfing. Into daily exercise so I don’t feel guilty when I grab ice cream.

Your turn…Do you prefer swimming, dancing, or a 24-hour Netflix marathon?

5. A Few of My Favorite Things

I like…

The Frito smell of dog paws.

When I randomly decide to call an old friend and they say “I was just thinking about you!”

The way little kids get grumpy and confused when they’re tired.

That moment I get that Bumble BOOM! Message, and know someone I liked is into me too.

6. Goblin

Passionate goblin with 10+ years of experience, seeking to increase profitability for National Goblin Association. At — Goblin headquarters, slashed costs by 32% in 6 months by implementing Bloodletting training across all departments. Cut stockroom waste by 65% with new garbage binging techniques. Skilled in bone cleaning, whispering while in the dark, and proficient in Microsoft office.

Profile Text For Dating Site For Men

7. The Girl You Can Take Home to Your Family

I’m the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are and we’ll slowly phase you out.

8. Alpha Male

I hope you like alpha males because I’m your guy. That’s right, I’m the whole package. I’ll defend your honor in public, won’t take shit from waiters, and I’ll even get you pregnant, leave, and then come back to eat the child.

9. Christmas Tree

My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home.

10. Best Travel Story

I was in New Orleans when the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Long story short, my nipple may or may not have been pierced.

11. Not Down to Earth

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I’m not down to earth at al. If you don’t reply to my text I will turn up to your house drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning crying and trying to break in. I hate drinking tea and doing craft. I hate bicycles, the beach, sunshine, and parks. And Cider, I hate Cider.

12. Definitely Not a Murderer

My self-summary
I’m a fun loving guy and a self-starter who has absolutely no interest in committing murder. I’m looking for love, companionship, or just that one lovely evening (and rest assured that that one lovely evening will absolutely end with you back at your house, safe, and sound!) Let me take you into my magical world of not murdering anyone, ever, for any reason.

What I’m doing with my life
I’ll tell you this right up front: Certainly not murdering ANYONE, least of all you! Beyond that, mostly digging.

13. A Terrible Liar

My self-summary
Here are the quick and dirty facts so you can get back to clicking through my photos: I’m a terrible liar and an excellent +1. You can usually find me managing my investments, hitting the gym, or catching up with a friend over cocktails and tapas. And I’m incredibly judgemental…when it comes to T-bone steaks. Otherwise, I’m pretty easygoing. 😉

What I’m doing with my life
When I’m not in the ER, you can often find me visiting the kind of far flung destination that requires a passport. Remote locations like Santiago or Zanzibar have always spoken to me. But usually it’s in Spanish or Swahili…so I can’t understand a word they’re saying.

14. The Best Thing on the Internet

About Me

Ladies, your time has come. I’m serious – stop reading and message me right away, because I am the best thing that could ever happen to you on the internet. Better than gym selfies. Better than 14 Facebook likes. And even better than kitten GIFs. Okay, okay, maybe not better than those. Because what can top that?

If we’re being honest, I’m probably not really the “best thing” ever. I have falws too. First of all, I don’t have Jon Snow’s flowing locks. I sometimes wash my lights with my darks. And I never ask for directions – ever.

Maybe you can see past that thought? 😉

As for my career… Well, I got my first taste of what it means to be an entrepreneur when I was a kid, selling 25 cent cups of lemonade and giving away free extra-salty potato chips. I’ve since moved up to buying and selling Internet comapnies, but I still love Lay’s potato chips.

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I’m a non-apologetic big city dweller at heart, but that doesn’t stop me from rounding up friends on a beautiful weekend and hitting the ski slopes, or grabbing my mountain bike for some trail riding. And I’m always thinking about my next trip… I hear good things about New Zealand.

As for the woman I’d like to meet… Your friends would describe you as “intelligent,” “ambitious,” and “kleptomaniacal”… Okay, maybe not the last one. And while I love potatoes in most of their forms, “couch potato” isn’t one of them. Physical fitness is important to you, as it is to me. And while you don’t have to host your own NatGeo show, having a few awesome travel stories wouldn’t hurt.

15. Cute and Smart

Respiratory Therapy Student

Cute enough to take your breath away, smart enough to bring it back.

16. Mat

I’m just hoping you don’t walk all over me 😉

17. Forever Single

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Will I be single all my life

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Pictures are very important, but a good text will definitely make your profile more effective; it’s the difference between 'I suppose he’s okay...' and 'I HAVE to meet this guy!' On the flip side, a poorly worded text can ruin the impression you give, even if your pictures are good. The most attractive girls tend to favor profiles where both the pictures and the text are great, so it certainly pays to learn how to do it right. Good learning always start with examples, and in that spirit, we’ll look at two profile texts. Read them carefully and try to form an opinion; are they good or bad? Why? When you’re done, you can move on to my comments.

This text has several misspellings, and the writing is generally boring and riddled with clichés and unspecific statements. The word 'try' is used a lot, and together with words like 'support' it makes us feel like this guy is struggling through life. It’s a classic example of why it's important to consider the mood that the words you choose bring to your text!

The user's tendency to claim a lot of things about himself is interesting. Apparently, he's active and determined, and he knows what he wants. But take a look at this sentence: 'What I'm looking for: I don't really have an answer'. Then he goes on to list a few general characteristics that won't really exclude anyone; you get the sense that most girls would fit his description. How does that correspond to the claims he just made? Is this really a man who knows what he wants? He's contradicting himself between the lines, and in the end he comes off as a spineless guy who's trying be what he thinks girls want him to be. 'He seems like kind of a wuss', the girl who helped me select this text commented.

Speaking of what’s between the lines; the phrase 'I'm kind of passionate about soccer' is also interesting. How often do you really hear the word 'passionate' preceded by the words 'kind of'? He's trying to understate his interest in soccer, probably because he's afraid some girls won't like it. It doesn't exactly give you the impression that he's a confident, attractive guy.

He sounds off with the seemingly mandatory part about working out and a little section about his job. By all means, it's expected and perfectly normal to write a few paragraphs about what you do for a living, but in this case the phrase, 'I spend a lot of time working' kind of makes you feel like he's wishing things were different. He would be better off focusing on the positive aspects of what he does − the stuff he likes about his job. Once again, the tone of the words you choose matters.

In conclusion, this is a bad profile text, though in many ways it's also fairly typical; most guys on dating sites will end up with something similar to this. Let’s look at the second example:

This text belongs to a friend of mine, and he’s not totally lost when it comes to online dating. He manages to set himself apart by commenting on the way other guys tend to write profile texts; at first you think he's serious, and he seems like a douche of epic proportions, then it quickly dawns on you that he's being ironic. It's a way of creating an emotional build-up, like I discuss in my book.

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Other guys will usually exaggerate how much they earn; this guy does the opposite − he plainly states that he doesn't have much money. However, between the lines he's communicating that he knows he's an attractive guy, and that he's used to getting girls without trying to impress them. He describes himself as difficult, and he starts off by telling girls to stop reading; he's using the tried and true stay-away-from-me schtick, creating a barrier between him and the girl to make himself more exciting, as opposed to trying to persuade her to give him a chance like most guys would do.

Then he follows up with a little callback humor, returning to the running tights and using the old sounding word “don” to create a quirky effect that probably will make some girls smirk. He starts to describe what he's looking for, and he uses a tone that makes him seem particular and specific; whereas the first guy basically said, 'as long as you're a girl, I'm interested' this guy seems to be more demanding. In reality, though, his demands aren't all that excluding; it's the way in which he makes them, the tone he uses, that give an assertive impression.

Nevertheless, this text is teetering on the edge with its heavy use of irony and comparatively harsh and negative words. Girls react differently to it; some find it obnoxious and offensive, others love it for its fresh and rebellious approach. Furthermore, there are some really good tricks that it doesn’t use; in my book, I discuss a lot of different techniques for writing captivating texts, and I also include an example highlighting an effective and seldom used strategy called 'cracking the shell'.

About the author:

• 
  My name is Sondre and I'm an obsessive guy. I've spent the better part of a decade studying how attraction is kindled by text and images, and through interviews and experiments I have figured out how to create a profile that appeals to exactly the kind of women you want to meet. Through impressiveprofile.com I have helped regular guys get extraordinary results, and now it's finally your turn!